New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
