She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
