Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
