you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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