**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
