Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
