Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
