That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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