How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
