You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
