see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
