We named our party play list daddy issues
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
