Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
