I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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