Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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