Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
