I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
