No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
