the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
