haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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