i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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