I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
