At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
