At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
