Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
