Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
