Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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