i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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