Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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