I love black thongs
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
