You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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