don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
