they need to just BURY HIM!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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