I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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