Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
