I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
ugly people sure do ruin things
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
