I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You're so nebulous sometimes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So much rum. So many feels.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
