I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
