i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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