I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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