Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
