very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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