Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
