You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
