Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
