I heard we made out
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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