he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
