Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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