I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
