I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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