If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
