I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
