I think my vagina is haunted
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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