I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
